I might have visited my teacher Rosheep to ask for help with anxiety.
Seeker: How can I avoid being anxious
Rosheep: Their eyes turn bright, they lower their head, and butt me head over heels.
Found: Ow? Oh! Ok.
This is an exploration of fear/anxiety and how it relates to my practice. I will begin by collecting some stories from my past and then outline directions for thinking about practice. The stories reflect my recollection such as it is and the stories that tend to come to mind.
Tales:
(1) My mother told a story of when I was 9 or 10 my siblings would have been between 2 and 5 years old. My mother said she briefly to visit the bookmobile and back; she was 'just gone a minute or two. On returning, she found me crying, the gas on on the stove, and my toddler brother sitting in the middle of the kitchen floor eating the remains of a fallen pie. I have no direct recollection of the story.
(2) As a boy, I frequently went on solo walks. Once, while traversing a steep hill from my grade school, I stumbled into a swarm of bees and froze, crying. An older Black woman emerged from a street below and helped me escape. This incident did not deter me from future solo excursions across fields or into ravines in the river towns where I grew up.
...
(n) Last year, after major surgery and a diagnosis of an incisional hernia, I experienced intense dread. Through contemplation, I began to view this dread as a friendly reminder of genuine dangers. In June, my hernia became a strangulated intestine, requiring two emergency surgeries and a recovery lasting over six months.
Practice directions
(1) A modified tonglen, breathe in my and others anxiety, breathe out comfort with risk.
(2) Adopt a friendly stance towards anxiety, learn to recognize the role it plays in our lives.
(3) Just who is fearful?
(4) Arm oneself Attadanda
(5) Maybe so Farmer Story Huainanzi
Podcast aboutmp3 on apple
(6) Risk Assessment and Management Survey