This is a continuation of the OneSentenceStories page which got tiresome to scroll through; but still has a lot of good stories on it.

  1. His institute, which was founded over a hundred years ago and was dedicated to the analysis of signals from a distant star system, had a major breakthrough when it discovered video signals in the stream and results came quickly consisting of scenes of explosions, security walls, meetings to combat terror and endless arguments over who was at fault but shortly after the signals from hundreds of lightyears away and centuries in the past went silent and were never detected again.
  2. "I was dashing about downtown, my arms full of books and papers, my head full of problems, and the ground below me completely out of sight when I step off a blind curb sending a my stuff flying all round me and a shooting pain up my sacroiliac; so, I fall into the alley and there is a beer truck backing over the sidewalk, " Tom recounted in passing.
  3. Indolently lying on warm sand with my head propped up with one arm, watching the incoming tide fill the footprints beginning with that giant toe sticking out like an opposing thumb and continuing on to the peculiarly crooked marks of three toes, remembering the skyward gestures and short, loud, articulate syllables and wondering what they might have meant as the sky turned a most remarkable shade of orange.
  4. The dream had completely opened Anthony's eyes and he had started his day with a new clarity and resolution, telling his wife the importance of his planned fishing trip, merging onto the interstate with a firm hand and determined look, laying out his day crisply, making that first difficult call to his most troublesome client adroitly, determining the optimal-breep, breeep breeep breeep breeep breeeep, slap - Tony rolled out of bed, placed his feet on the floor and wondered how in the hell he was going to get the cranky old coffee pot to function one more goddamn morning.
  5. After a surprised "hi how are ya" in the buffet line, she was back at her table with coworkers, idly wondering when his homespun airs had become a slightly ridiculous shabbiness, and she realized that she could not possibly explain to anyone the delightful victory of no longer even wanting to join in battle.
  6. Even so, she thought, drowning out his voice as he argued on in that oh-so-rational voice of his, even so.
  7. Imagine my surprise, I hadn't planned on starting the race but there was the finish line behind me; winded but not exhausted and an empty field ahead, I wonder what's next.
  8. Cottony gray clouds with veins of ocher part before us as we fly in low and discover the lost city of Atlanta.
  9. So what exactly does a functionary do?
  10. Joseph has just remembered walking. (A story I found in SPAM).
  11. When they left me off the distribution list for the 34/g status report and I could no longer demonstrate incremental business value to my affected stakeholder community it became clear I am no functionary.
  12. Oh, I see; I thought you were either a fan of George Clinton's or of a dictionary co-authored by Wagnall, but you are clearly neither.
  13. I believe that last sentence makes me a pun-ctionary; and you can put that in your Funk and Wagnalls'.
  14. Now, where did I leave my name?
  15. Our business has lost three managers in the previous two fiscal years, this strikes me as exceptionally careless.
  16. From now on, all managers will be issued maps, signal flares, and GPS units... let's make this next fiscal year a loss-less one, gentlemen.
  17. "We will not go on without you Sorensen... our business has lost three managers in the previous two fiscal fiscal years and I'm not going to lose another one on my watch, so give me your hand" shouted the VP of Operations to the wounded manager over bloodcurdling roars of the approaching polar bears.
  18. Maybe we didn't make a profit this fiscal year, we'll probably get sued by that Japanese death-cult over the trademark infringement incident, and we were too busy protecting the endangered snow-marmosets to save our Beijing factory from annihilation, but what the heck... our investors are used to that sort of thing by now and at least we didn't lose any more managers, and at the end of the day, that's what really counts, isn't it?
  19. You fool, I'm a manager at WasteFlake Unlimited, the business that hasn't lost a single manager in over six fiscal years... that rumbling you hear in the distance is the company helicopter fleet, so I'll make you a deal: hand over the death-ray, let the marmoset go, and I just might put in a good word for you.
  20. Goddammit, Walters, I hope you didn't spend overhead on that death-ray!
  21. But sir, this death-ray will blow the competition right out of the water... I mean it's gonna really knock 'em dead... this little beauty takes no prisoners... it'll be the hottest consumer electronics item since the iPod.
  22. Tears streamed down the assistand deputy human resources chief's cheeks from underneath the binoculars and Walters heard him mutter: "It really is them... the three lost managers... and today we're finally going to bring those poor kids home"
  23. The three lost managers and the Human Resources special ops squad recieved a hero's welcome back at the WasteFlake branch office, and in addition to the catered snacks, Mrs. Pumfrey from Marketing baked her famous zucchini strudel for the occasion.
  24. One thing I remember my ma telling me was "always try to be just a little bit more"... plenty of guys might be satisfied with being a "suspected domestic terrorist", but I'm already looking beyond that to "wanted domestic terrorist with ties to the modern-day slave trade" or even "chillingly sadistic international eco-terrorist fanatic with a million dollar bounty on his head"... just a little bit more, always... ma was a wise woman.
  25. Are you a Mexican or a Mexican't? (credit goes to Johnny Dep's character in Once Upon a Time in Mexico)
  26. Baroom Crash — Baroom Carash — I found a black bobber about three inches long on the beach — Barrrooom Crrrash — in Isohara, Japan and pitched it back into the surf — Baroooom Craash — it bobbed back and forth, left and right — Baroom Krash — as waves rose up and broke on the beach — BaRrrroom Crash — until it was washed up and left grounded — Baroom CRASH — at my feet; I played fetch with the — Barooom Crash — ocean until it took my toy away — BAROOM crash --
  27. The three formerly lost managers chorused "Oh no! Mrs. Pumfrey's famous zucchini strudel was why we left in the first place!" and ran out of the conference room pulling their ties awry.
  28. Ties awry, ties awry--isn't that the name of the restaurant at the end of the cul de sac?
  29. He discovered the card with the holographic emblem teetering on the edge of a turnstile; untraceable, irredeemable and inexplicable it remained tucked in his wallet, a small conundrum.

OneSentenceStories The first one-sentence stories from the crowd at the Wasteflake Project

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Created by steve. Last Modification: Monday 21 of November, 2005 08:37:48 EST by steve.